Thursday, April 06, 2006

The hypocrisy of modern conservatism

If liberals' arguments lately seem to be based upon a false-charity defense of scorn for one's neighbors combined with outright cowardice in the world, what characterizes the bastions of conservatism these days?

It sure isn't any sort of argumentative consistency. Having embraced the critiques involved in The Vision of the Anointed, conservatives have gone on to embracing all the same rhetorical tricks, this time arrogating to itself the role of Defender of Morals, whether or not that involves:
  • Opposing gay adoption on the grounds that having two loving parents of the same sex (while admittedly suboptimal), is so much worse than being stuck in an orphanage with no parents at all.
  • Constantly bashing libertarians for their supposed amorality, when Lord only knows that you can't be interested in Family Values if you're not also interested in having those values run through a filter dictated by whoever's fine, morally-upstanding lobbyists happen to best schmooze and booze their way through Congress (that veritable playground of the angels) this week.
  • Fighting the War on Drugs to protect society: because we have to let kiddie-rapists and violent criminals walk the street in order to make room for the pot-smoking hippies who are a true threat to our kids' safety.
  • Pushing laws like the "Three-Strikes Amendment," because we all know that it's really evil to snatch a purse out of a car, then get caught with speed, and then try to lift a watch from a department store, but just kinda bad to beat a woman until she's unrecognizable while raping her.
  • Constantly stroking oneself in the Warrior's Mirror, because we all know that there's not a liberal or libertarian interested in a strong national defense or willing to serve his country in war. (Contemporary cringing leftists aside, how 'bout that Sergeant York... yeah... what a pussy.)
  • Castigating liberals for radically increasing the size and intrusiveness of government, thus adding to the tax burdens of hard-working, honest families (while radically increasing the size and intrusiveness of government, thus adding to the tax burdens of hard-working, honest families).
  • Standing Up for Our Freedoms, including our perennial Congressional favorite, the Freedom to Go to Jail for Burning a Flag.
Myrmidons. People for whom the word "context" is something only an overnuanced schlub like John Kerry could care about, more than happy to slap you upside the head with the Plank in their Eyes, so long as, For God's Sake, Congress can do something about your speck. The People Who Know Best... and know that you're obviously an ignorant Heathen if you don't agree that they do.

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